Monday, July 12, 2010

Barbie's Resume

Barbie has had a lot of careers since 1959. Some very prestigious ones at that. Just in the year 2000, she became not only President of the United States (you don't remember that election? Funny that), but also a Starfleet officer and a paratrooper. In 1991, she served as an officer simultaneously in the Marine Corps and the Navy, one year after she became an Air Force jet pilot, a commercial pilot, and a UNICEF diplomat.

In 2008 alone, she was a swim teacher, a pediatrician, a veteranarian, a baker, a hairdresser, a designer, a pet stylist, a TV chef, a Presidential candidate, and a cheerleader for the Dallas Cowboys.

And all this is in addition to her ongoing jobs as fashion model, ballerina and princess.

She has to sleep, right? And consider that just about all the jobs Barbie takes are full-time affairs, many going far beyond the 40-hour-a-week standard. You can hold one, at MOST two at a time and have any time left for eating, sleeping, living in a house, or anything else.

And yet she still finds all this time to play around with Ken in her Malibu dream house, or the beach, or the mall, or whatever.

There is only one conclusion: she is terrible at every single job (at least every job that isn't model, ballerina or princess) and Mattel doesn't mention that she is constantly getting fired. This explains why, for example, she was President in 2000, but merely a 'candidate' in 2004 and 2008. She was thrown out of office, either by the voters in a re-election bid or by being impeached and removed in the middle of the term, and she hasn't taken the hint yet.

Perhaps this is why she is currently resorting to burglary.

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